I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
