i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
