I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
