Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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