after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
