That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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