Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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