THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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