Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
