My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
