it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
