I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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