Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
