Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
