Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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