Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
