Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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