if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
