i need an iv and a liver transplant
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
