you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
