i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
