I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
