he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
