Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
