so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
