Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
