I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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