Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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