I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
