i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
