ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
