She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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