i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
