He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
