do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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