I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
