I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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