the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
