Are we in a gay sports bar?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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