Dude my mom stole all your condoms
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
