mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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