So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
