Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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