Small penises have feelings too.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
