my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
