well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
