Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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