You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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