nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
