it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
