Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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