Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
