i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
